As I sit here reflecting on the past few years of my life so many feelings rush through me, love, happiness, contentment, joy, satisfaction, trust, sadness, heartache, heartbreak, hurt, anger, distrust, numbness, emptiness, and loneliness. I have missed blogging so much and to be honest I didn’t know how to write anything. Wondering if it was right or wrong to do so. Wondering how I would feeling seeing the truth written down. But I have had to face reality whether I like it or not and I’ve had to leave my place of comfort.
What I thought was my destiny and my forever has turned out to be anything but. I married Justin 3 years ago and yes we had our ups and downs but we were working. We made it worked, we fought less, we had fun, we loved eachother and we loved and do love our children and were blessed with two more babies over the years. Justin finally won his dream job and was able to work from home which brought us back to Saskatoon just in time to greet a new baby into this world. Who would have thought that such a beautiful time in ones life could turn into an absolute nightmare.
May 31st the anniversary of our first date started off alright and ended with me crying listening to my husband tell me he doesn’t think I love him and bringing up past issues that I thought were forgiven and put behind us. Since I am being honest here goes those instances....4 years ago Justin left me, it was a nasty break up and I was never wanting anything to do with him and him with me. I was broken and emotionally torn and turned to anyone for comfort. His best friend would come by all the time to check on us and in that time of weakness I began a relationship with him. Truthfully not intending revenge but only seeking the comfort and love that I was hoping for. No it didn’t last and anything out of rebound isn’t destined. Totally to my surprise Justin and I got back together months later and we were great. We were able to build a new life together and start fresh. Things started to slide again as we moved to BC. With all the stresses in our life out there and with his family I was rethinking our marriage. So I went to a halloween party and a man who took interest in what I had to say for once made a pass at me, a kiss, and I let it happen. I instantly felt a rush of guilt ran our of the party and went home. Feeling that guilt I confessed this kiss to my husband the next day and as much as it hurt him he soon forgave me and we were able to move past our troubles. After we cut contact off with his abusive brother we were able to have stability and friendship again and love. We had family time and fun and to be honest life was quite content, not perfect but content. Some things bothered me more than others, I would smell smoke on him and he would lie about it and he was smoking tons of dope and it was getting inbetween us. But we still found time for love and happiness.

So back to May 31st, there I was crying and begging and pleading with him telling him how much I do love him and all he could do was throw the past in my face as if it was yesterday. He still held me that night and woke up and hugged me the next morning. All weekend I was having contractions and felt like it was the beginning of labour but I was scared and didn’t want to have an early baby so I tried ignoring the signs. But Sunday night I couldn’t ignore it anymore. All of a sudden Justin tells me that he’s never loved me and that he moved us back to leave me and that he has faked our marriage and our relationship for the past 7 years. I couldn’t even say a word. I left the house and stayed at my parents for the night. The contractions worsened and I knew this baby wasn’t going to hold on any longer. I wanted to go to the doctor but Justin was insistent on taking Cohen to the park so my mom took me to the doctor. My regular obgyn was off and I saw one of her partners. He said I was going into premature labour and I had to have my stitch removed. He tried pulling it out of my cervix in the exam room and only succeeded at pulling out a quarter of it. So he sent me up to the hospital to have the rest removed and see where that took me. The contractions continued and was full on in my back so they sent me right into the OR for my c-section. My husband was there by my side but emotionally gone. No I love you’s or nothing. After I gave birth the doctors let me hold him for half a second and took Brady down to NICU. Due to weak lungs he had to be on oxygen and soon after intubated. Because of the c-section I had to stay in the hospital for the first part of my recovery. I felt so alone. A husband not wanting me, my baby in NICU and my children at home. I can’t even describe to you the brokeness I felt. My husband started turning into someone I didn’t recognize anymore. My children didn’t recognize him either and it started to scare them. They would come to the hospital and be so upset and they would leave and it would just tear me in two knowing they were so sad.
Justin’s behaviour became more irrational and erratic and as the days went on Justin became more lost. The day after I got out of the hospital my husband left me. He was planning to leave after helping me recover but due to his behaviour my father asked him to step out for only a few days to have some breathing room but Justin said no he’d be gone for good. And that was that. He became an invisible father and took no thought in how this would affect the children. Instead thinking only of himself he began to break the kids hearts in only a way an emotionless man could. Telling them things no child should ever hear. Going on and on about wanting a divorce and breaking my heart over and over and throwing things in my face constantly not caring that I was separated from my newborn baby and recovering from surgery.
Now it makes sense. Without getting into every little detail about what has happened and what he did the bottom line is the man I thought was a family man a devoted father and husband was and is nothing but heartless and a coward. Two days before I got out of the hospital he started contacting an old girlfriend, a nobody he dated shortly after highschool. He said he’s always loved her and he mustered up the nerve to tell her so the day before we separated (the day I got out of the hospital). His act of adultery couldn’t have happened at worse time as this. To say he’s in love with this woman he’s rarely spoken of. All I can think of is how lucky she is to win a man who left his wife during childbirth, abandoned his brand new premature baby and three other beautiful children. A man not knowing what true love is and what true happiness is and not realizing he had it all and left it all for what. His family also abandoned us. A family I loved and hoped would be there for my children to put aside marital issues and just focus on the children but they couldn’t and chose to let go and lost 4 sweetest little people doing so.
Since this has been so hard on the kids and after many weeks of intense councelling a decision was decided on. A tough decision but a much needed one. We’ve since cut off contact with Justin. The children couldn’t handle it anymore. After his effortless visits and heartless phone calls the kids would hide under their beds, wear his clothing, fight and cry nonstop. Since we’ve had no contact they have been wondeful and happy and feeling secure. They have started councelling on their own and hearing them speak their true feelings about this situation has been shocking. I couldn’t believe my ears and I just ache for them. But we are taking the proper steps to make things right.

I’ve also decided to take a new outlook on life and do things for me. I’ve had massages and treated myself to shopping and haircuts and a pedicure and some time alone to reflect and be thankful for what I have. I have found happiness and love within my children and the Lord and realized I need nothing more and whatever comes in my future will be heavensent. I love every minute I get to spend with my children. Talking to them and opening up about our thoughts and feelings and having fun. I’m taking one day at a time and healing and overcoming this obstacle. I have come to realize that I am worth more than this and I deserve happiness and to be treated like a woman should be treated and loved. A man who does this to a another human being isn’t worthy. This has been so tough and everything I do I constantly wonder and worry about hurting his feelings and then realize I just need to take this step back and really observe everything and come to healthy decisions without any influence. I don’t want to rush on my emotions, my sadness or anger, I don’t want to say things I will one day regret. I too have made mistakes and everything is a learning experience but this this isn’t a mistake this is cruelty yet in my heart I can find forgiveness and move on from it and just love this life that I’ve been given to live. I plan on doing just that. Living this life to the best and giving my children nothing but the best because that is what they deserve. They are the cutest, most generous, kindest children that hold an innocent beauty from God and as a mother I am here to protect them and guide them and do what is right for them and that is my only intention to do what is right for them....out of love. As hard as it was to get here I am excited. I am excited for my life and life with my kids and to see where tomorrow takes us. I have had nothing but love and support from all my family and friends and I couldn’t ask for better people to share our life with. I am so thankful and I feel so fortunate to have 4 little blessings and miracles beside all day. 4 little voices that tell me I’m pretty and beautiful and that I’m the best mommy and that they love me so much. I get to hear that everyday and tell them everyday how wonderful they are and that they are the best kids a mommy could ask for. I get to cuddle, hug and kiss them whenever I want to and whenever they need it. That is my life right now and I couldn't ask for anything different this very moment. God has given me a life worth living and I will make Him proud.

2 months just flew right by. So many changes have taken place and once I have a few extra minutes I'll be able to write a little more...for now here are some recent photo's of my everythings!!

Oh Baby!!

Brady Dean Dallas Seitz

Born June 2nd @ 4:23 pm

6lbs 10oz and 19 1/2 inches long (pretty good for 5 wks early)

He was taken to NICU immediately after his birth and was hooked up to oxygen and then intubated. After he was extubated he had jaundice and had to learn to feed on his own without a feeding tube. After a week and a half I was able to bring my little one home. He was quick and strong and quite the little fighter.

Brady is now 3 wks old and still likes to act like a premie but he's doing great. He's gaining weight and eating like a little piggy. He has his first cold but even so he's not very fussy. His days and nights are a little mixed up but that's the least of my worries. I'm just so happy to have him home. The kids adore him. Emily is such a big help, Carter is learning and Cohen well he's trying to learn to share mommy. But so far he's doing a pretty good job. It's made him a better cuddler :0)

There are moments where I just want to take my kids and hide them from the cruelty in life. But unfortunately some experiences are meant to happen whether good or bad. Lately Emily is dealing with some pretty tough things and although it's toughening her up a little she is still so sensitive and young and innocent and broken hearted.

She has tried so hard to make friends at her new school while trying to keep her friends updated in BC. She met a few nice girls who got mad one day because she wanted to include another girl for lunch. Since then the friendship has been on the rocks. She was told she was fat, that she should have never moved here, that her friend was just pretending to like her, that she is a stupid fat b**** and a jerk and on and on and on. She has been trying to suck it up because she didn't want a huge drama show at school again but she couldn't help but cry at school and there is nothing she hates more than crying at school. So after that she is talking to her little crush in Naramata and he has a new crush and told her he is going to ask her out. She has never experience such continual bull shit (pardon my language). If there was ever a tiff at another school or with friends it was over and dealt with .... this just keeps going and going and going. She is so sick of it that she doesn't even want friends anymore because as soon as she tries to play with someone else or do her own thing she's getting freaked at. One of her friends told her to call names back and she said what's the point and walked away and called me.

We have been teaching her to be nice even when people are mean and to walk away and not stoop down to their level but I almost want to tell her to just finally just give it to someone the next time they mess with her. But that's not gonna work either. It's so tough. I've witnessed it first hand and I know it's not the kids fault, they are so young and probably don't really mean to be mean but ugh c'mon enough is enough. Emily said what bothers her the most is that her friends keep saying sorry and emailing her sorry letters but a few days after they say sorry they are mean again.

What can ya do but try to make a negative a positive which is what we are trying to do. Extra family time and less playdates. Focus on other things the kids really enjoy doing. We have so much family around these days which is super helpful. Between us, Justin's dad, my parents, my siblings and my great aunt and all our friends we have a lot of people around for the kids to have fun with. I'm just so thankful to be home. Everyday makes me happier and happier to be here!! I can't believe we were away from everyone for 3 years, we barely make it 3 days without seeing someone :)

Thanks to all for just being there in any way!!

The panic is on...

I think I might need some psychiatric help, last minute prepping for this baby is driving me absolutely crazy. We have a spare room downstairs that totally needs to be unpacked and ready for some of our children to live in it so we can set up the room upstairs eventually for the baby. I'm trying to locate (ok making Justin locate) our baby things in boxes so I can clean them and have them ready. We need some new baby things as having a lot of kids makes you discover what are good purchases worth keeping around and what are not. So we need some new things which is fun in some ways a hassle in other (as in it takes me forever to walk from one store to the other with my super turtle slow waddle). In all honesty I feel somewhat grumpy and frazzled and now I'm going to go and eat MORE icecream :( Maybe that will make me feel all better and happy.

2 weeks :0)

So after another trip to the obgyn and then being sent back to the hospital for some observation the doctor has decided to book me in for an ultrasound/amnio to make sure the baby's lungs are developed enough and then from there if all looks good I'll go right in for my c-section!! June 3rd we go in for my last check up and she will book it within a few short days from that appointment. I'm happy and relieved but yet frustrated because I'm still going to be super sore and uncomfortable for the next couple weeks. Every time I move my stitch tugs and pulls and pinches and then I cramp and contract and all the scarr tissue from previous surgeries is pulling and stretching and causing swelling in my lower abdomen on top of that with back ache, leg cramps and foot cramps. I am just done...at the end of my rope. I just can't wait for me and Justin to feel settled with our 4 children.

Cohen says
" I lull you"
So special the first time a child says I love you.

Some Family Tidbits

The kids are finally tucked nicely into their beds and the house is a little too quiet. I'm looking forward to this extra long weekend. Emily and Carter have Friday and Monday off school which is so nice. I'm really wanting a lot of family time in before life gets too too busy with another baby. Tonight was lovely, Justin sat between the older two and read to them as I rested on the other couch with Cohen (yes he actually laid down woohoo) and we all just listened.

I'm almost 33 weeks and I'm feeling very very blessed to be hitting this milestone in my pregnancy. As my pregnancies aren't always easy every day is a celebration with this little one cuddled in my belly. I am feeling rather done though. I have a feeling once this stitch is out so will our little Brady.

I started laughing uncontrollably today and then crying and then moving to utter frustration back to laughing because I pulled out YET ANOTHER pair of maternity pant that I have grown out of. WAY TOOOOOOO EARLY. So yes aside from loving the pregnancy and this baby and being happy most of the time. I am sick of feeling super fat and puffy and gassy. That part I am looking forward to getting under control and feeling healthy again and feeling energetic.

Aside from the pregnancy every one is doing awesome. Cohen is teething again and is getting sick but we kind of expected it especially since it looks like his eye teeth are trying to come through - up down up down up down. But he's happy and playful and trouble as always. He is learning so many new words and phrases it's so funny. The best phrase at this time is wada did i do? (what did i do) and his biggest word as of yet is Accident however it came out assident. He through his bottle at the blinds and said "wada did i do oooooooH....sss assident"

Carter is going through a growth spurt right now. It is such a nice change because he isn't an overly big eater and right now he is eating NON stop. He is learning so much in school. Everything about his teacher I absolutely LOVE! She is so into the kids and so fun I really wish he would have spent an entire year with her. He is coming home knowing about archaelogy and paleontologists. which is good for Carter as I surprised the kids with tickets to Walking with Dinosaurs for next thursday. After Carter is learning all about these ginormous things it will be worth every second of it.

Emily is also rather excited about the dinosaur show, a night out with her dad and Carter. Cohen and I will be home eating popcorn twists and watching veggie tales :) She's so funny, she is so stuck on the idea of becoming a celebrity like Hannah Montana. So the other day she was doing the grades in skipping and she made it to college and passed and said now I have my degree to be a celebrity. If only it was that easy. A week ago her class attended a literacy conference at the university and it really triggered a passion for writing. She's always wrote songs and poems but now she is inspired to write children's short stories. And they are soo good and extremely hillarious.

Justin is keeping busy as always. He is absolutely loving his new job and I love his job. He is sooo happy every day. He's never been stressed or tired or sick of any bit of his work which is pretty righteous!! He's also working on his book and he was just notified by his publisher that his other two book ideas have been approved and the contracts are being drawn up. Triple sweet. But what I love and truly admire the most is that he doesn't miss one ounce of family time and he manages to get most of the housework done before I even notice there is housework to do. I'm feeling very thankful for that. I mean he JUST gets it.

Well American Ido is on and I think I've babbled on long enough.
Till next time :0)

Oy Vay....what next?

Today started off as a beautiful fun Happy Mother's Day. The kids presented me with some sweet gifts they made at school. Emily even had Cohen draw me a picture. I got the book I've been wanting and some beautiful stepping stones. My sister has been here all weekend and she prepared a Mothers Day lunch and my parents came over along with one of my brothers and my nephew. A great day of playing outside and laughing and just family fun.



Around 4 Justin took me to the walk in clinic because my arm was looking and feeling worse. See when I was in the hospital just recently I had an IV in my arm, when they took it out it was bruised as it usually gets....nothing out of the ordinary. Until the other day I hit my arm on a doorknob and then the next day the soreness went from the IV area (where I hit it) to the side of my wrist and became swollen and what not. It was getting worse so I thought hmmm maybe a hairline fracture or something but it was weird because I didn't even bump that spot. So I get to the dr. and she says I have a blood clot. Asked me some questions and because of my shortness of breath, my crazy elavated heart rate and the soreness in my leg from all the charlie horses and my blood clotting disorder I was rushed to the hospital. My parents met us back at the house to watch the children and Justin and I were off to meet the doctor.


So we get to the ER and go straight up to the Mat ward. The doctors and nurses were super quick and on the ball with me. The doctor was really worried I had a blood clot in my lung. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I had my blood work, then another nurse came in and I had an ECG done then another nurse came in a put in another IV and then the porter came in and took me for a CT scan. When the results came back the doctor was happy to announce I had no clot in my lung. However I do have a clot in my wrist but not a deep vein clot. The doctors are going to keep a close eye on it and make sure it doesn't get any worse.

Now 3rd time around is a charm, so next time I'm in the hospital I hope it is to have the baby....at the right time!!

The joys of being in my final weeks of pregnancy. I'm completely uncomfortable, achy, crampy and super duper tired. However on the flip side everything makes me giggle and I've stayed super happy and giddy even being so physically drained.

Today I fell asleep in the playroom sitting upright playing blocks with the boys. I woke up with Carter screaming "cock a doodle doo" in my ear and Cohen launching cars off my belly.

I had to take Emmy for her Ortho work and I parked in a spot I was sure to have enough room, right beside a Handicap slot. So after the appointment we go back to the van and a car decided to park super close to us. Not good. I open up my door and try to get in and get stuck inbetween with just the tip of my belly. Too big. Couldn't even squeeze in. I couldn't climb through either because I don't fit between the seats. So I waited for a little bit and no one was coming so I went back into the Dentist's office and asked the receptionist if she could help me move my van. She was so nice and helpful and did just that so we were able to leave!!!

....AND THE CRAVINGS. Oh man. Every thing I drive by I want to eat. But then as soon as i see the next restaurant or grocery store I think of something else. I went from wanting candy - deep fried mars bar - mr. sub - subway - wings - verns pizza - quizno's- finally settling on quizno's to only get turkey ranch and a turkey mequite and sunchips and dorito's and then I couldn't decide if i wanted soup or cookies. Oh the poor lady that was serving us. Bless her patience. Luckily Justin ate one of the subs and the kids got some too of course.



Oh we went for our 32 wk ultrasound on Tuesday and we were able to see what our baby was up to in Tummy Land. HE is sooooooooooooo cute!!! Pudgy cheeks, fat legs, big belly. I love it. He looks so healthy and happy. YES that's right ANOTHER BOY!!!! Our little Brady Seitz. We're still working on the full name and the spelling and what not. It was so funny....so the ultrasound tech didn't waste anytime and scanned right to the genitals and WHOA it was no wondering it was right there like a softball . Justin asked him to take the zoom down a notch....except it wasn't on zoom. Emily was a little upset because she wants a sister so bad but she was also happy that she is going to be daddy's little girl forever and not share that special bond. And we bought her the plaid shorts she's been wanting. This age group clothes fixes everything.



Well I better get back to work . Now that Justin's friend revived our old hard drive we have all our photo's from BC and I had taken tons of photo's of our old place so I have to get everything printed off and sent in our evidence package for our case that we're taking0 to arbitration. It's exciting, a lot of work but it's all good!!

Home Sweet Home

Thank you for all the kind notes and thoughts and prayers and the help we have received has been awesome.

It all started a few weeks ago with a lot of cramping. I've been watching it and checking in with the doctor but she said if it gets worse go in to the hospital if it's after office hours. Well Monday the cramping was bad and I was getting this intense burning sensation in my stomach and around my scar from previous surgeries. So off I went...

We get to the hospital and I got examined right away to find that I was/am 1cm dilated. My cerclage is still in place which is good it's started to dilate so we have to watch that. Then the burning was getting worse and the dr's were concerned that either my placenta was starting to tear or my scar was going to open. So I was put on the fetal monitor and the baby's heartbeat was really low, it was beating at about 103-109 consistently. So in case they were going to have to deliver the baby early they started me on the steroid shots. I had one that night and had to stay in until I could get another shot in 24 hrs. But in the meantime weird things were happening. The baby's heartbeat wasn't going up yet not in serious trouble either. The pain was getting worse and my blood results and urine tests were coming back all funky. I was on an IV drip the whole time and drinking and eating so I was getting more than enough fluids yet tests showed I was really dehydrated and had large amounts of glucose showing up. My white cell count was high and my potassium was low and my blood sugar levels were high. My blood pressure would go from normal to low. I had this weird pain in my wrists, arms and calves as if I had an 14 hour charlie horse brewing. So weird and painful and no one knows why, I got really pale and weak and puffy. But after about 14hrs that started to settle So no one knew what was going on. It was all a mystery.

I had an ultrasound and everything looked good on that. That confirmed that my placenta was fine and so was my scar. But the doctors weren't sure if things were in the process of going sideways. So I was monitored pretty closely. Also the estimated baby weight was already 4lbs 10 oz which was a good thing in case the baby was born a little early.

So today I was still having the pain and the nurses couldn't track down my original glucose results and they wanted to keep me in for observation another night and just keep up with pain meds but I couldn't. I needed to be home so bad. I would have stayed in but I have a prenatal and ultrasound booked for Tuesday and with Justin being at home and being at my beck and call I thought I could do it. He was having trouble surviving at home with the kids without me. The kids were getting so scared and wondering if I was ever coming home. So I thought I can relax and rest in the comfort of my own home unless it gets even worse. I needed to have a nice bath in my jacuzzi and lay in my bed and just look at my husband and kids when I want to. So far I'm feeling not too bad. Tender and sore but relieved to be home.

So far what the doctors are going on is because I have so much scar tissue/adhesions from previous surgeries that because this baby is so big and I'm getting so big, with all the stretching happening it is stretching and pulling on the scar tissue. Painful and not fun but over with soon. I have a few more weeks and this baby can come. I just hope it stays in a few more weeks!!

Well my comfy bed is making me sleepy so I should turn out the lights and call it a night.

Thanks again everyone for your care and concern and prayers and messages and help we couldnt have done it without you!!
Blessings and
Love Carissa

Whose Belly is Bigger????

I was going through some photo's Justin uploaded for me and I came across this picture he took of me and my dad at Easter time. One of my favorite pictures right now.

I was about 25/26 wks in this photo and my dad well.... ;0)

"i boogie"

Cohen entertained my grandparents last weekend by picking his nose. His new thrill. As you can tell everyone else was quite entertained by his new discovery.

A Great Day...and many more to follow!!

Today Emily came home from school happy. Kids are starting to approach her and want to be her friend. She has been apologized to by some kids and they said they were mean because they had to be but they don't want to be anymore. Later on in the day the bigger bully approached Emily and Em smiled and said Hi and to Em's surprise she said...."so do you want to be friends". I guess she got in a bunch of trouble for bullying and she is not only just being nice to Emily but to other girls as well. Emily is just happy to finally have some friends and not be so alone anymore. She said she isn't quite ready to be friends with the bully but she is going to keep being nice and see how things go and who knows. This little girl is still so young and I believe she can change and be sweet, no person truly wants to be mean.

Update

Justin and I decided that as much as we wanted to just grab our child and protect her and haul her out of school and scream at the children that were bullying and whatever else ran through our minds we didn't. Instead we taught her how to handle the situation in a mature manner and not stoop down to the level of the bully. Be kind, be nice as much as it kills to do it do it. Stay clear as best as you can and talk about it. But not continue to talk about it so negatively and look for more positive things than just the meanness and bullying.

Friday I went in and talked to the principal and he was great. He was welcoming and understanding and ready to take actions into his own hands. He talked to Emily privately and talked to the bully privately and each little girl the bully's social circle. Hopefully it works. Of course the day of the bully continued to go after Emily calling her a liar and just harrassed her non stop but hopefully (fingers crossed) it will die down. Emily feels a bit stronger. Two girls approached her and ate with her and wanted to be with her at recess and while I was at the school spying (openly I might add) I got to meet the girls and they are SOOO nice. They are just your average little 9 year old. Kind, they don't care about what they wear and just act like kids should act.

I have a lot of hope that this coming week of school is going to be so much better on Emily. Now that she has a couple other girls to hang out with she won't be so alone. We've been praying and teaching her and loving her and just uplifting her as much as possible and looking at all that is happy and great instead of all this yucky bad stuff. It's working and even Emily is looking forward to a better week of school.

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words and prayers. It means so much. As a parent it is just heartwrenching to go through this with your child. I mean all you want is your kids to be happy and have fun. Dropping Emily off at school knowing she was going to be standing alone leaning against the side of the wall getting picked on is just so horrifying. This week I think she'll finally be able to just play and have fun and enjoy school a little more and more each day. Thank God!!...and thank you!!!!!

Heartbroken

I just walked into my daughter's room and tucked her in and stood over her for a moment to watch her sleep and lay in her bed holding her monkey. As I write this blog I'm stumped, I'm unsure of what to do as a parent. My little girl's heart is broken and me and Justin feel broken for her.

The transition into her new school has been difficult. First day was great, she loved every minute of it. Everyone wanted to know her and sit with her and play with her at recess. The next day it was just one girl that went back to her and that little girl is becoming a good friend to Emily but right now she is away and won't be back for a week. Even though the bullying started before her friend left it didn't feel as bad because she still had someone to play with. Now she is left standing alone on the side of the school wall.

Her friend Kassidy was friends with another girl who was a little on the mean side and when Emily came along Kassidy latched onto Em which was great. But jealousy took over the other little girl and she decided to let Emily know how she feels about her new friendship with "her" friend. She called Kassidy's house and left a rude message on her parents answering machine about how she hates her now that she is with Emily. She told all the girls at school that Emily stole Kassidy from her. It's so dumb.

There is a popular ring of grade 4 girls already. The ring leader could be compared to Rachel Witchburn on "Sydney White" Total little brat. If you aren't her friend she torments you and if you try sticking up to her she torments you. The other day Emily was standing alone watching the girls play and a girl said Emily help...what Emily didn't know is that one of the other girls names is Emily. Emily said sorry I don't know what you want me to do. They turned around and said they weren't talking to her and called her a "freak". Today the same little stinker approached Emily and asked if she new where another little girl was, Emily said no and she said I thought so because why would you know where she is when you stole her best friend, new girls should have NO FRIENDS!. Emily didn't say anything back, instead she just stood there all alone and just felt sick to her stomach. Emily talked to us about what's been going on today after school and told us that the same girl called her a "whore". But she didn't want to say anything because she is worried we are going to go back and tell the teacher and she doesn't want to be any more embarrassed than she already is.

I was waiting with Emily before school started and a different little girl comes up to her and says..."like why do you wear that same jacket like every day, i mean it's a cool jacket but like you wear it everyday". It then clicked why Emily was going through 3 or more outfits a morning before she knew what to wear. We sat her down and had a heart to heart to her about what is important in life and to our amazement this morning she was wearing her sweatpants and a bunnyhug and said I'm going to school like this, I don't care what they say, I feel comfy. Justin was so happy and said ok then can I come to school with you and we'll go comfy together and shock everyone. So Justin went in his reindeer pants and Emily in her sweatpants. I wish that feeling would have lasted forever for her but it didn't :(. Justin gave her his photo ID to carry around with her so that if she got to sad she had a piece of him with her. When we picked her up from school she still held the card in her hand.

I wish we could protect her and go to school with her every moment. I would really like to tell those kids where to go but that's not teaching Emily the right thing. We keep talking to Emily and helping boost her confidence in herself but it doesn't seem to be working. We are trying to tell her she's better than the kids and not to fight back and stoop to their level but when is enough ENOUGH!! Do we wait it out and hope it gets better. I've already gone in and talked to the teachers and they were so good about it and helpful and had some good ideas but I understand there is so much a teacher can do with so many kids. And these kids are smart and do it when the teacher is not around. Do we approach the parents and talk about it, do we let it ride itself out, do we switch schools to only encounter the same issue there or take the chance that it's not? I'm stuck, Justin's stuck. We know that we can't watch her go through this much longer. Our 9 yr old should not be in such a hurtful situation like this.

??

3rd Trimester, I completely forgot how far along I am. It's crazy. I was at the doctor yesterday and she said my section has already been booked...ahhhhhh where has this pregnancy gone. 2 months oh my. I'm not unpacked or anything, Nesting is in high gear now!!!!!

I'm Sorry....Say that again???

So today I stopped at the Ticketmaster kiosk to buy some "Walking with Dinosaurs" tickets and for starters so indecisive I didn't know what day, what time, how many tickets ughh the indecisiveness is crazeeeee!!!!
Then it gets even more embarrassing.

Lady behind counter : "what is your name"
Me: " uhh McNaught"
Lady: "McNaught is your name"
Me: phff sorry hahaha my name was McNaught my name is Carissa last name Seitz.
Lady: Spell that please
Me: Oh lord (hum and hah)

TOTAL BRAIN FART!!!!!!!!

Uffffff

Bumper Belly

The belly is officially getting in the way. I bend over, I topple over, I set the table and bump the kids in the head, I get stuck, I get stuck in doorways. We had family over for Easter and my dad and I tried getting through the doorway at the same time, his belly + my belly = both us getting stuck and having a good laugh!!! It's all fun. I love this stage of pregnancy. I love the belly and I miss it sooooo much when it is gone and turns into a ball of flab but at least we are rewarded and gifted and priveliged to have such a beautiful baby. I'm getting more and more excited. I love being around stores other than Walmart (I HAVE MY CONSIGNMENT STORES BACK YAY AND DISCOVERED AND NEW COOL ONE!!) I see my new specialist on Tuesday and hopefully soon we will find out what our little one is so we can plan a little more.

The children had their first week of school and LOVED every minute of it. The school is great. They have caught up already and are working on some pretty cool projects. 620 kids versus 100 kids was a big change for them it's been fun fun fun. Today there is no school due to a water main break.

We've all been sick...still. Ugh I am desperate for this dumb cold to leave our home finally it's been lingering since we moved. Cohen is still not any better, mind you he's playful but he's got a gross cough and runny nose and his molars aren't quite out yet. I think once the molars break through completely he'll get some rest. Justin had to have emergency oral surgery. His wisdom tooth was causing a bad infection in his mouth and making a mess so he had it taken out yesterday but it was growing sideways so they had to cut and drill and ugh it's gross...stitches and everything. Poor guy is on so many drugs to help with the infection and pain and nothing is working.

Oh and breaking news....FOUND OUR MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE. I had to transfer my license over and went back to McNaught, they wouldn't let me be a Seitz because I didn't have my certificate. So now that I found it I have to get so many things changed over. I was so worried I lost it or forgot to pack it or something but Justin to the rescue found it in my cards keepsake box. I'm excited to get everything changed over. Our health cards, bank accounts, driver's license, dr. files. etc...

So now that we are somewhat settled we have to start dealing with issues that have arisen back in the Okanagan. Our old landlord is pulling a fast one on us and being quite snakey which is soooo UNCOOL!!!!!! We did a lot for that guy, we took care of the home as if it was our own, we brought his yard back to a YARD, we never fussed with his lack of repair or broken promises, our fridge broke down a week before we moved and defrosted all our food, stressed him out we just let it be, put our food in a mini fridge and said we could live without it if it was going to be a hassle to get a new one in. So what happens is this...

Our moving van was scheduled to come on the 10th a Monday when he had to work so he thought it would be best to come on the 9th keeping in mind that our stuff will still be in the house but the walkthrough was needed. He confirmed with us about 12 times via phone and email and everytime we said yes we'll be there for you. He shows up with a painter and some friends and their child. Justin was waiting the whole time to do the walkthrough and he comes out to shake Justin's hand and ask for our address to mail us our rent refund and our damage deposit. So a couple days later I find out the postal code and what not and email it to him for him to say that he won't send anything back UNTIL he walks through it next time he's in the village. Uhhhh ILLEGAL. You can't redo a walkthrough with the tenants being gone. We've looked into EVERYTHING with the rentalsman and that was wrong wrong wrong of him to do. How it works is he has to tell us right then and there what is wrong with the place and the portion of the deposit that he wants to keep and if we don't agree we take it to arbitration but he only has 15 days from the time that we provide him with our written mailing address or our deposit gets doubles. Well lets just say it's April 4th, I gave him our address March 12th. So far I have only received my post dated chq's and two days ago I received a check for the rental portion he promised to return to us. No deposit but he left us a note with the rent chq stating he will see the house in a week and take it from there. No go buddy, so we're filing. What a kick in the rear to us though. We were so patient and understanding with him, never made stink about nothing and always gave him rent and fixed small things ourselves and he pulls this. It's insulting and disappointing. We don't even want to fight about it we just want what is rightfully ours returned and be done with it....no drama. It's not that easy dealing with it from another province either and who knows maybe that is why he is doing this because he knows we don't have the time to pursue it. But we will anyways especially now that the amount gets doubled.

Well I think I've babbled on enough with this blog. I'm procrastinating the errands a little oops....note to self - - get butt in gear...