Friday, June 03, 2011
Alright so I know some of you might think this is one heck of a cheesy movie and that's ok. However, I don't :)
I love it. I watch it and it helps me hold onto hope and allows my heart to remember and dream. Why??
Well....truth is... I have a Lorenzo out there. (Throughout this blog to protect his name I will call him "my lorenzo".) A man - a true love I walked away from.
The ONLY thing that was not right about our story is the timing. Usually on my account. Actually always on my account. I always seemed to be in moments of brokeness whenever we were together and out of loyalty to my family or feelings of unworthiness I would push him away. Doing that left me feeling more and more broken over the years.
I have secretly compared him to every man I have ever met ...which.... is why I am still single. I have loved others but not like I did "him" and I thought well maybe since we've moved on in our lives and years have passed that I could find it out there again. But nope. Instead I'd see qualities he possessed in some men but that would make me miss "my lorenzo" even more and annoyed with whoever I was dating because it still wasn't like how "he" was. I have kept him on a pedestal and no man has ever compared. How do I get past that....or question is Do I even want to...???
So where am I at this very moment....
Laying on my patio
Mixing my tears with the rain
Playing 2 songs in particular OVER and OVER
Drifting off to dream
Wondering what it would be like to be "Claire" and seeing her love after 50 years
and realizing how lucky I am to have had a love like that.
Memories of him make me smile and his spirit makes my heart dance.
Truth be told
It's better to have loved than to never have loved at all.