Friday, May 26, 2006

....and glory be!!

It's hard to stay optimistic about life when there is so much negative stuff happening. We've been doing the best we can to keep positive and trust in the Lord that He will make everything alright. What may look like little blessings are really huge blessings to us. Anything good that happens lately is like winning a million dollars, actually even better than winning a million (however a million bucks would always be nice) anywayws back to the topic. We've been really sick around here and what was going on in our minds was "what next" and just as we say that Justin gets an email at work. A month ago my brilliant husband submitted an inquiry about writing for a magazine, a top selling computer magazine at that. The contact said for him to come up with a unique and interesting outline and that if it was good for him then he would pass it on to the senior editor of the magazine for approval or disapproval. Well Justin did just that the first contact loved the piece and therefore passed it on to the senior. Well we hadn't heard anything so we kind of forgot about it just assuming that better luck next time. Well like I said yesterday we were feeling so yucky and Justin was feeling really sick at work and he was like "what next" and what next was exactly was exactly what we least expected. He got an email accepting his article. The email outlined what they would like from him from now until his deadline of June 26. They would like to publish his piece as soon as he can get it in so it can be released in one of the next issues. How exciting. This is one of Justin's dreams to be published in a magazine. He's always wanted to write a book relating to the tech world but of course it's good to have some articles under your belt for experience and now he gets his first shot at doing just that. He will be published in the sys admin magazine you can buy it at your local bookstores like Chapters and McNally. So when we know the exact issue date we'll let you all know in case you want to take a peek. I'm just so proud of my husband. He's had to take on so much S*** lately with me being on bedrest and his mom in the nursing home and having to do everything himself pretty much so for him to receive an unexpected reward from up above at such a down time really lifted his spirits. Yesterday turned out to be a better day for him than he expected period. It was just blessing after blessing. After he found out about the publishing, our friend Kristin came over and made our family chilli and side dishes and entertained the kids, so Justin didn't have to cook when he got home from work which relieved a lot of stress especially with him being under the weather now and then Kristin's husband Eric asked to take Justin out for dinner today. That was planned a few days ago and Justin's been looking forward to some buddy time and it comes perfectly to end a very intersting week.

It's been raining like crazy here every day which I love cuz the rain just makes me feel so good for some reason. Last week it was so hot here it was 37 almost every day so this is a nice change and it makes for a perfect family movie night. We have Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Doogal, and Nanny McPhee picked out. I doubt we'll get through them all tonight but if it's good and rainy tomorrow they will come in handy.

Anyhoo I hope you all have a great weekend..........till next time!!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

It's A Good Day!

Finally a good day! Three cheers for the Lord!!
First of all I went to the doctor this morning and she was amazed at how big my stomach has grown in just a week. It grew 4 cm which is awesome. Then she took a look with the ultrasound and there was our precious little boy.....yep that's right we are having ANOTHER boy. The next few weeks are critical so I'm on bedrest for sure for the next 3 weeks. Which is a small price to pay in my mind. I'm just happy the baby is healthy and there was nothing fishy going on in my uterus. I have been getting these yucky burning pains on the top of my stomach and around my belly button and they hurt like crazy and when I walk around I start contracting so to minimize the contractions I'm off my feet. Turns out the pain is from my uterus expanding and because I have had so many surgeries and trauma to my uterus the growth of everything will be painful. Which is better to deal with in my mind at least it isn't placenta abruption again cuz that would not be good at all.

I've been working harder at putting more trust in the Lord and realizing that he is the one in control and that the doctors can only do so much for me but in reality it's 110% in His hands. All your prayers have been helping so much. Justin and I feel more comfort and peace each and everyday. Being on bedrest is really hard but knowing we have so many people out there that are lovin us and prayin for us is helping us get through these tough times.

On another great note....Our wedding photo's are finally coming along AFTER 10 1/2 MTHS. I know so many people are anxiously and patiently awaiting some photo's. We finally found out what was wrong with all of our disks and why the pictures weren't printing out which was really odd to the photographer and Justin because she used a 16 megapixel camera and gave us full resolution photos. Anyways the disks are reprinted and we just got word that they were mailed out on Friday so we should have them any day. Plus the photographer did us up an album of 4x6's and printed off some 8x12's for us for all this trouble....which is great cuz I have been wanting to just lay in bed and look at photo's of our wedding day. Justin is planning to get the prints copied and sent out to anyone who didn't get a photo and to our wedding party who definitely needs some keepsakes and finally to our parents.

As soon as they come we'll work as fast as we can to get them out to you.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

"I'm still in here...somewhere."

Today was a very difficult, emotional day. My mother in law Yvonne (in the picture to the left with my son Carter) has early onset of Alzheimer's disease. I've been touched by this disease because Justin and I are the closest family around her that can be there for her and help her. She does have a son close by too by he's so wrapped up in his own life that he doesn't even acknowlege her. And well she has two other kids that are extremely busy out in Ontario. So it's me and Justin and the kids. We've been on a long road trying to get Yvonne help and it came and once it came it all happened so fast. She was put on the emergency list to go into a dementia care cottage. Because the waiting list is so long you have to accept the offer and move within two days. Because of Justin's work schedule and what not he couldn't be there to move her in so I took her down. I think in the end it was better that I did it because it was emotional enough being my mother in law, I don't know what would have happened emotionally if it was my own flesh and blood. I was teary the whole time. It was a reality as to what her life is going to be like from this day forward and it's heartbreaking. Even though I'm on bedrest I thought tough it I'll rest there and I did, it was quite comfy and felt like home. I had to take her to the doctor in the afternoon so I brought Emily to the home to see what it was like and where Grams was going to be living. Then Justin came home and we thought it would be nice to show Grams how close we are and just pop in to say "goodnight" . Oh did her face light up. She was just glowing when her son walked through the doors.

The thing that's the saddest about the disease is that they slowly seem like they are moving out yet they are still there, you know. We were talking to a gentleman with quite progressive alzheimer's and he looked at you like he knew what he was talking about in his mind or what he wanted to say but he just couldn't get it out. Instead of asking our name like "So what is your name" he would say "so your name leaves in the hamburger". The one thing he was able to get out was "please come see". It made us all tear up because we then realized that this was going to happen to Justin's mom sooner than later. Today when I was helping her unpack and visiting with the nurses she thought I was her daughter and that Justin was her son in law, and then later on she was telling the nurses she had three sons and named two of them and forgot the third and was so sad cuz she couldn't remember the name. It was just heartbreaking.

Out of all this heartache, Yvonne is still smiling. I mean some days she is finding it hard to cope and shows it but for the most part she has such a strong feeling and belief that God is hugging her the whole time. It's amazing to see her hold such faith during this war she's battling in her mind. I mean if it were me I'd be cursing...she is praising God that something good will come from this. She's just an inspiration.

Can I ask for a few more prayers. I would like to pray for Yvonne, she is only 55 and having to go through all this and it has to be scarey for her. Also for all the others dealing with alzheimers that they all find comfort and peace. Help them to not be forgotten as they are still in there....somewhere!!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Tryin to look on the brighter side!!

I was thinking about what the brighter side could possibly even look like right now but then I was reminded of all the wonderful things that are going on right now and that's definitely helping me keep my head above the water. I have my husband, my kids,family and friends, a home, a good doctor, we're two blocks from the hospital and I still have this little baby in my tummy.

I do have to sacrifice a little fun in my life right now but I guess that's not much considering I only have a couple months to go. See I went back to the Doc's on Monday and the dr. did an ultrasound and it showed irritation and what looked as though part of my uterus was stuck along my stomach lining by an adhesion and that tore away which caused the severe pain and spastic contractions. There was no sign of the fibroid on Monday so the doctor said it couldn't be the fibroid because they don't just disappear that quick...unless it was a pure blessing from the Lord. We'll never know but we're so thankful that I'm healing. I have to be on bedrest for the next 4 weeks so I can make it to 26 weeks and then if anything happens at least the baby is viable outside the womb. Scarey to think that until then it could die if I was to go into labour. If my pregnancy doens't improve at 26 weeks or if anything happens from 26-32 wks I have to be sent to Vancouver and stay in the hospital there for the remainder of the pregnancy. Because Penticton is small and all the towns and small cities around here are so small no hospital has the resources to prolong a pregnancy successfully or have the equipment available for a preterm baby and the chances of the baby having a healthier life born before 32 wks would be in Vancouver. By the grace of God I know he can keep this pregnancy going as long as possible but knowing that 24/7 is where I'm struggling. Justin is worried because if I go to Vancouver it will be hard for him and the kids to be with me and it's just a lot of worry we don't want to think about right now but we are kinda forced to think about things and make plans incase the situation occurs. I'm going to continue taking it easy and follow the doctors orders so that I can minimize any contractions and any danger to this baby.

On the brighter has been scorching hot here. Yesterday the temp climbed to +35 and yikes that was harsh. Then I wake up this morning at 7am and check the temp and it was already +21. I thought I am on bedrest and I can't even go down to the beach on my own. So Justin has a few plans and he said if the weather is like this on the weekend he'll set me up a bed on the beach so I can put my feet in the water or maybe he'll make me a mini lake in the backyard. Yesterday it was cute cuz the kids wanted to play outside so bad and because I can't exactly roam around and watch them they set me up a bed in the shade. They laid out a blanket, put one of those beach chairs with out the bottom and only the back rest and then they laid a pillow against the chair for comfort. They brought me my novel I'm reading, a popsicle and a bottle of water...oh and the phone. So I was equipped. With all this ruckus God has blessed Emily and Carter a stronger sense of patience of compassion. They just care so gently for me and I adore them for that. So during the day when Justin is at work I"m well taken care of :0) and when Justin get's home I get even more help. Since I've been on bedrest Justin's cooking has definitely improved. His chicken nuggets aren't as soggy as usual and his fries are definitely getting crispier.

Well I better get going. Thank you so much for all your prayers and Kristin a special thanks for coming over and praying with me the other day. I love you all so much and it's great to know that when times get tough everyone can pool their prayers together. Justin and I have felt a sense of comfort from each prayer. Thank you and God Bless you ALL!!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Mother's Day turns to Scarey Mother's Day

Wow, where to even begin. I'm still in utter shock as to how my last 24 hours have been. It's been an absolute nightmare to be honest. It all started with a nice family drive around Penticton. We were searching around for garage sales and we just kept driving. It was so much fun. We discovered places we didn't even know existed in this town. Then the crap began. We decided to make a stop at Walmart to look at some baby stuff and beds for the kids. I was feeling alright but by the time I walked from the front doors to the furniture section I started feeling weird. I thought hmmm maybe a little gas. Nope! Hmmm maybe a little indigestion! Hell no!! Oh shoot something was wrong. I got an intense stabbing pain from the top of my belly to my belly button. It took the breath right out of me. I couldn't stand, couldn't breath and I was getting pins and needles all over. Luckily there was a nurse in the aisle we were in and she started screaming for help. Immediately a walmart team was there by my side checking my vitals and on the phone with 911. They closed off all the aisles and then wheeled me in to the manager's office to get away from curious people. Poor Justin and the kids were just scared they didn't know what was happening. Justin wanted to get me to the hospital right away but the people at walmart already called the ambulance and I was getting weaker by the second so at that point even Justin thought it was best I go via ambulance. Within 10 minutes of everything happening the ambulance was there along with the fire department. A little girl in Emily's class named Emily too her dad was on call for the fire department so he was talking with Justin and the kids while I was getting in the ambulance. I was so scared because I couldnt' feel the baby at all and the pain wasn't subsiding. Justin had to go in the car with the kids and he was horrified leaving me alone with the EMT even though they are professional he was just sick not being by my side. Luckily he beat the EMT to the hospital and was right there by my side once again. I was put on the monitors to check for contraction and fetal heartbeat then a few hours the on call obgyn showed up. He was really good. Checked me thorough with the ultrasound and found that the cause of the whole problem is an enlarged fibroid that is becoming degenerative meaning my body has now cut off the blood supple to the fibroid. Which causes severe pain but I guess it's good that the fibroid can't get any bigger. It looked so huge on the ultrasound it was so scarey. Then he starts talking to us about the risk of this setting me into preterm labour and that there was nothing they could do to save the baby if that was the case because the baby is only 22 wks gestation and at this point it couldn't survive. He said once the baby is around 27 wks it's chances are higher. Then he checked my cervix and found that there is only 1cm left of my cervix. What the??? Could this day get any worse. Jeez! So I have to be super careful that I don't have any contraction so I can savour the rest of my cervix and hope that my stitch doesn't fall out too early. He sent me home with once again, major restrictions and bed rest. So I am totally following orders. Tomorrow morning I go back to the hospital for another check up and hopefully things start looking better.

So this has been my Mother's Day for 2006. Since I was a kids something has gone wrong at Mother's day and I was praying nothing would happen this year and then boom. So I'm feeling rather depressed and totally just completely bummed out. My husband feels like his world is totally caving in as everything seems to be happening with everyone he loves. My health his mom's health, Carter's been sick and the life of our born child in jeopardy.

If we can trouble everyone for some extra prayers we'd really appreciate it. I just want to get to my 36 wk of pregnancy or really close to, that would be in August. It's so hard to be going through all this so far from home and away from family and friends. It gets pretty lonely. Yesterday I was talking to my mom on the phone when I got home from the hospital and I had to suck back the tears cuz crying was onsetting some yeah I'm sucking back the tears just wishing my mom was here for a hug. Anyways I better get back to the couch and put my feet up.

On a loving note "Happy Mother's Day to everyone"

Friday, May 12, 2006

A Happy Mother's Lunch

Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending a Mother's Day luncheon put on by my daughter's grade 2 class. It was so special. When I arrived Emily greeted me at the door and took my hand and led me to my seat where I had a special placemat made by Emily and she had my lunch all done up really nice. Each child in the class helped make the desserts and each child had to make their own mom's sandwich. I think my sandwich was the best I've ever had just becasue it was made with such love. Normally I'm not much of a sandwich eater but that particular sandwich I ate yesterday tasted better than a chocolate cake. After the mom's finished eating the grade 2's got up and did a cute little presentation, they recited a poem and sang two songs. Then we had to go around the class and figure out whose shadow picture was our own childs. I figured mine out right away because of the neat writing underneath. Then we had a nice little story time with the kids. Emily read me "Baba Yaga" it was very similar to Hansel and Gretel but without the Hansel. Then the kids pretty much had enough of their mom's being there. It was kinda funny. Emily says, it's ok for you to go home now because we have free play time outside. All the kids kissed and hugged their moms, I got about 4 kisses and 4 hugs and off to play they went. Oh but before I went home Emily gave me the special mother's day gift she made...a magnetic memo pad for my fridge.

As I walked home I clenched on to all my goodies and felt like the most special mom in the world. I thought WOW these kids did so much hard work to put on this lunch and it was spectacular. I didn't want to leave. It's not very often Emily and I get to have girl time together so it made it extra special because it was all about her for that 45 minutes. This is just one reason why I love being a mom so much. I love the way my kids make me feel and they do it in such simple ways too. I have been getting little presents every day this week. The kids don't realize that Mother's Day is celebrated on Sunday but in their little hearts Mother's Day is celebrated everyday. Carter has been making me picture after picture and at Tumble Bumble (activity program he's in) he made me a card and a flower. He wrote his name down and put a heart beside it and says mom you know why I put this heart here, I said why, he says because I love you so much. So I have that torn little paper with his name and heart up on my fridge.

Posted above is a picture of me and Emily at the Mother's Day lunch.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Life in Hormone Land

The joys of pregnancy is enjoying the pregnancy period and that means absolutely everything that comes with it. I love watching funny tv episodes of people doing their take on pregnancy and emotions and what not. I was watching According to Jim on the weekend and it was right on the money. There was a girl crying because her husband forgot her gummy candies and they didn't have cinnamon flavored gummi bears. I was laughing and laughing and I said out loud that can't be how it really is. Justin looked at me with shock and he's like "what do you mean that's not how it're like that 24/7" and then laughs. I was crying one day cuz I was craving a pickle so bad it hurt but I was upset that I was crying over a pickle so I didn't get up and get the pickle. Stuff like that. Thank goodness Justin loves it. He loves the cry fests and picky eating and back cramps and yelling bouts and laughing bouts. I called him at work the other day just bawling hysterically on the phone, he couldn't actually even understand a word I was saying. I was making Emily a tea party for her and her little friend and I let her use my grandma's tea set. When I was a kid I drank gallons of ice tea out of this tea set with my grams. I was stirring the tea and remember back to the old days and just bawled and bawled and bawled. Actually even writing about it right now is bringing tears to my eyes.
This is just a glimpse of me in hormone land....I tell the good stories, I'm sure if Justin got on here he'd be telling you his version of hormone land haha.

As for the pregnancy goes, it's going ALOT better than it was months ago. The Lord has blessed us everyday. My health is stronger and the baby is stronger too. I get kicked all throughout the day now. It's great. I absolutely love the feeling of this little life. It makes it so real now. It's funny cuz when the baby is active if you put your hand on my belly you can feel it switch position and roll over and stuff it so cool. I am about 22 wks which is 5 1/2 mths. Penticton weather is already getting warm so I'm getting anxious about dealing with the intense heat of summer....we have weeks and weeks of +40. I feel really huge, I think I've put on almost 20 pounds so far. I guess that's not too bad but I think I look a lot bigger than I probably am. Especially my BUM I totally think it's quadrupled in size...if I'm not knocking people over with my belly my bum is doing the job.

Well my preschooler is getting a little anxious about starting his cookies. So I better not delay any longer. Emily has a special mothers day luncheon planned at her school so I'll try and post after that.