There are moments where I just want to take my kids and hide them from the cruelty in life. But unfortunately some experiences are meant to happen whether good or bad. Lately Emily is dealing with some pretty tough things and although it's toughening her up a little she is still so sensitive and young and innocent and broken hearted.
She has tried so hard to make friends at her new school while trying to keep her friends updated in BC. She met a few nice girls who got mad one day because she wanted to include another girl for lunch. Since then the friendship has been on the rocks. She was told she was fat, that she should have never moved here, that her friend was just pretending to like her, that she is a stupid fat b**** and a jerk and on and on and on. She has been trying to suck it up because she didn't want a huge drama show at school again but she couldn't help but cry at school and there is nothing she hates more than crying at school. So after that she is talking to her little crush in Naramata and he has a new crush and told her he is going to ask her out. She has never experience such continual bull shit (pardon my language). If there was ever a tiff at another school or with friends it was over and dealt with .... this just keeps going and going and going. She is so sick of it that she doesn't even want friends anymore because as soon as she tries to play with someone else or do her own thing she's getting freaked at. One of her friends told her to call names back and she said what's the point and walked away and called me.
We have been teaching her to be nice even when people are mean and to walk away and not stoop down to their level but I almost want to tell her to just finally just give it to someone the next time they mess with her. But that's not gonna work either. It's so tough. I've witnessed it first hand and I know it's not the kids fault, they are so young and probably don't really mean to be mean but ugh c'mon enough is enough. Emily said what bothers her the most is that her friends keep saying sorry and emailing her sorry letters but a few days after they say sorry they are mean again.
What can ya do but try to make a negative a positive which is what we are trying to do. Extra family time and less playdates. Focus on other things the kids really enjoy doing. We have so much family around these days which is super helpful. Between us, Justin's dad, my parents, my siblings and my great aunt and all our friends we have a lot of people around for the kids to have fun with. I'm just so thankful to be home. Everyday makes me happier and happier to be here!! I can't believe we were away from everyone for 3 years, we barely make it 3 days without seeing someone :)
Thanks to all for just being there in any way!!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
The panic is on...
I think I might need some psychiatric help, last minute prepping for this baby is driving me absolutely crazy. We have a spare room downstairs that totally needs to be unpacked and ready for some of our children to live in it so we can set up the room upstairs eventually for the baby. I'm trying to locate (ok making Justin locate) our baby things in boxes so I can clean them and have them ready. We need some new baby things as having a lot of kids makes you discover what are good purchases worth keeping around and what are not. So we need some new things which is fun in some ways a hassle in other (as in it takes me forever to walk from one store to the other with my super turtle slow waddle). In all honesty I feel somewhat grumpy and frazzled and now I'm going to go and eat MORE icecream :( Maybe that will make me feel all better and happy.
Friday, May 23, 2008
2 weeks :0)
So after another trip to the obgyn and then being sent back to the hospital for some observation the doctor has decided to book me in for an ultrasound/amnio to make sure the baby's lungs are developed enough and then from there if all looks good I'll go right in for my c-section!! June 3rd we go in for my last check up and she will book it within a few short days from that appointment. I'm happy and relieved but yet frustrated because I'm still going to be super sore and uncomfortable for the next couple weeks. Every time I move my stitch tugs and pulls and pinches and then I cramp and contract and all the scarr tissue from previous surgeries is pulling and stretching and causing swelling in my lower abdomen on top of that with back ache, leg cramps and foot cramps. I am just done...at the end of my rope. I just can't wait for me and Justin to feel settled with our 4 children.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Some Family Tidbits
The kids are finally tucked nicely into their beds and the house is a little too quiet. I'm looking forward to this extra long weekend. Emily and Carter have Friday and Monday off school which is so nice. I'm really wanting a lot of family time in before life gets too too busy with another baby. Tonight was lovely, Justin sat between the older two and read to them as I rested on the other couch with Cohen (yes he actually laid down woohoo) and we all just listened.
I'm almost 33 weeks and I'm feeling very very blessed to be hitting this milestone in my pregnancy. As my pregnancies aren't always easy every day is a celebration with this little one cuddled in my belly. I am feeling rather done though. I have a feeling once this stitch is out so will our little Brady.
I started laughing uncontrollably today and then crying and then moving to utter frustration back to laughing because I pulled out YET ANOTHER pair of maternity pant that I have grown out of. WAY TOOOOOOO EARLY. So yes aside from loving the pregnancy and this baby and being happy most of the time. I am sick of feeling super fat and puffy and gassy. That part I am looking forward to getting under control and feeling healthy again and feeling energetic.
Aside from the pregnancy every one is doing awesome. Cohen is teething again and is getting sick but we kind of expected it especially since it looks like his eye teeth are trying to come through - up down up down up down. But he's happy and playful and trouble as always. He is learning so many new words and phrases it's so funny. The best phrase at this time is wada did i do? (what did i do) and his biggest word as of yet is Accident however it came out assident. He through his bottle at the blinds and said "wada did i do oooooooH....sss assident"
Carter is going through a growth spurt right now. It is such a nice change because he isn't an overly big eater and right now he is eating NON stop. He is learning so much in school. Everything about his teacher I absolutely LOVE! She is so into the kids and so fun I really wish he would have spent an entire year with her. He is coming home knowing about archaelogy and paleontologists. which is good for Carter as I surprised the kids with tickets to Walking with Dinosaurs for next thursday. After Carter is learning all about these ginormous things it will be worth every second of it.
Emily is also rather excited about the dinosaur show, a night out with her dad and Carter. Cohen and I will be home eating popcorn twists and watching veggie tales :) She's so funny, she is so stuck on the idea of becoming a celebrity like Hannah Montana. So the other day she was doing the grades in skipping and she made it to college and passed and said now I have my degree to be a celebrity. If only it was that easy. A week ago her class attended a literacy conference at the university and it really triggered a passion for writing. She's always wrote songs and poems but now she is inspired to write children's short stories. And they are soo good and extremely hillarious.
Justin is keeping busy as always. He is absolutely loving his new job and I love his job. He is sooo happy every day. He's never been stressed or tired or sick of any bit of his work which is pretty righteous!! He's also working on his book and he was just notified by his publisher that his other two book ideas have been approved and the contracts are being drawn up. Triple sweet. But what I love and truly admire the most is that he doesn't miss one ounce of family time and he manages to get most of the housework done before I even notice there is housework to do. I'm feeling very thankful for that. I mean he JUST gets it.
Well American Ido is on and I think I've babbled on long enough.
Till next time :0)
I'm almost 33 weeks and I'm feeling very very blessed to be hitting this milestone in my pregnancy. As my pregnancies aren't always easy every day is a celebration with this little one cuddled in my belly. I am feeling rather done though. I have a feeling once this stitch is out so will our little Brady.
I started laughing uncontrollably today and then crying and then moving to utter frustration back to laughing because I pulled out YET ANOTHER pair of maternity pant that I have grown out of. WAY TOOOOOOO EARLY. So yes aside from loving the pregnancy and this baby and being happy most of the time. I am sick of feeling super fat and puffy and gassy. That part I am looking forward to getting under control and feeling healthy again and feeling energetic.
Aside from the pregnancy every one is doing awesome. Cohen is teething again and is getting sick but we kind of expected it especially since it looks like his eye teeth are trying to come through - up down up down up down. But he's happy and playful and trouble as always. He is learning so many new words and phrases it's so funny. The best phrase at this time is wada did i do? (what did i do) and his biggest word as of yet is Accident however it came out assident. He through his bottle at the blinds and said "wada did i do oooooooH....sss assident"
Carter is going through a growth spurt right now. It is such a nice change because he isn't an overly big eater and right now he is eating NON stop. He is learning so much in school. Everything about his teacher I absolutely LOVE! She is so into the kids and so fun I really wish he would have spent an entire year with her. He is coming home knowing about archaelogy and paleontologists. which is good for Carter as I surprised the kids with tickets to Walking with Dinosaurs for next thursday. After Carter is learning all about these ginormous things it will be worth every second of it.
Emily is also rather excited about the dinosaur show, a night out with her dad and Carter. Cohen and I will be home eating popcorn twists and watching veggie tales :) She's so funny, she is so stuck on the idea of becoming a celebrity like Hannah Montana. So the other day she was doing the grades in skipping and she made it to college and passed and said now I have my degree to be a celebrity. If only it was that easy. A week ago her class attended a literacy conference at the university and it really triggered a passion for writing. She's always wrote songs and poems but now she is inspired to write children's short stories. And they are soo good and extremely hillarious.
Justin is keeping busy as always. He is absolutely loving his new job and I love his job. He is sooo happy every day. He's never been stressed or tired or sick of any bit of his work which is pretty righteous!! He's also working on his book and he was just notified by his publisher that his other two book ideas have been approved and the contracts are being drawn up. Triple sweet. But what I love and truly admire the most is that he doesn't miss one ounce of family time and he manages to get most of the housework done before I even notice there is housework to do. I'm feeling very thankful for that. I mean he JUST gets it.
Well American Ido is on and I think I've babbled on long enough.
Till next time :0)
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Oy Vay....what next?
Today started off as a beautiful fun Happy Mother's Day. The kids presented me with some sweet gifts they made at school. Emily even had Cohen draw me a picture. I got the book I've been wanting and some beautiful stepping stones. My sister has been here all weekend and she prepared a Mothers Day lunch and my parents came over along with one of my brothers and my nephew. A great day of playing outside and laughing and just family fun.
Around 4 Justin took me to the walk in clinic because my arm was looking and feeling worse. See when I was in the hospital just recently I had an IV in my arm, when they took it out it was bruised as it usually gets....nothing out of the ordinary. Until the other day I hit my arm on a doorknob and then the next day the soreness went from the IV area (where I hit it) to the side of my wrist and became swollen and what not. It was getting worse so I thought hmmm maybe a hairline fracture or something but it was weird because I didn't even bump that spot. So I get to the dr. and she says I have a blood clot. Asked me some questions and because of my shortness of breath, my crazy elavated heart rate and the soreness in my leg from all the charlie horses and my blood clotting disorder I was rushed to the hospital. My parents met us back at the house to watch the children and Justin and I were off to meet the doctor.
So we get to the ER and go straight up to the Mat ward. The doctors and nurses were super quick and on the ball with me. The doctor was really worried I had a blood clot in my lung. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I had my blood work, then another nurse came in and I had an ECG done then another nurse came in a put in another IV and then the porter came in and took me for a CT scan. When the results came back the doctor was happy to announce I had no clot in my lung. However I do have a clot in my wrist but not a deep vein clot. The doctors are going to keep a close eye on it and make sure it doesn't get any worse.
Now 3rd time around is a charm, so next time I'm in the hospital I hope it is to have the baby....at the right time!!
Around 4 Justin took me to the walk in clinic because my arm was looking and feeling worse. See when I was in the hospital just recently I had an IV in my arm, when they took it out it was bruised as it usually gets....nothing out of the ordinary. Until the other day I hit my arm on a doorknob and then the next day the soreness went from the IV area (where I hit it) to the side of my wrist and became swollen and what not. It was getting worse so I thought hmmm maybe a hairline fracture or something but it was weird because I didn't even bump that spot. So I get to the dr. and she says I have a blood clot. Asked me some questions and because of my shortness of breath, my crazy elavated heart rate and the soreness in my leg from all the charlie horses and my blood clotting disorder I was rushed to the hospital. My parents met us back at the house to watch the children and Justin and I were off to meet the doctor.
So we get to the ER and go straight up to the Mat ward. The doctors and nurses were super quick and on the ball with me. The doctor was really worried I had a blood clot in my lung. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I had my blood work, then another nurse came in and I had an ECG done then another nurse came in a put in another IV and then the porter came in and took me for a CT scan. When the results came back the doctor was happy to announce I had no clot in my lung. However I do have a clot in my wrist but not a deep vein clot. The doctors are going to keep a close eye on it and make sure it doesn't get any worse.
Now 3rd time around is a charm, so next time I'm in the hospital I hope it is to have the baby....at the right time!!
Friday, May 09, 2008
The joys of being in my final weeks of pregnancy. I'm completely uncomfortable, achy, crampy and super duper tired. However on the flip side everything makes me giggle and I've stayed super happy and giddy even being so physically drained.
Today I fell asleep in the playroom sitting upright playing blocks with the boys. I woke up with Carter screaming "cock a doodle doo" in my ear and Cohen launching cars off my belly.
I had to take Emmy for her Ortho work and I parked in a spot I was sure to have enough room, right beside a Handicap slot. So after the appointment we go back to the van and a car decided to park super close to us. Not good. I open up my door and try to get in and get stuck inbetween with just the tip of my belly. Too big. Couldn't even squeeze in. I couldn't climb through either because I don't fit between the seats. So I waited for a little bit and no one was coming so I went back into the Dentist's office and asked the receptionist if she could help me move my van. She was so nice and helpful and did just that so we were able to leave!!!
....AND THE CRAVINGS. Oh man. Every thing I drive by I want to eat. But then as soon as i see the next restaurant or grocery store I think of something else. I went from wanting candy - deep fried mars bar - mr. sub - subway - wings - verns pizza - quizno's- finally settling on quizno's to only get turkey ranch and a turkey mequite and sunchips and dorito's and then I couldn't decide if i wanted soup or cookies. Oh the poor lady that was serving us. Bless her patience. Luckily Justin ate one of the subs and the kids got some too of course.
Oh we went for our 32 wk ultrasound on Tuesday and we were able to see what our baby was up to in Tummy Land. HE is sooooooooooooo cute!!! Pudgy cheeks, fat legs, big belly. I love it. He looks so healthy and happy. YES that's right ANOTHER BOY!!!! Our little Brady Seitz. We're still working on the full name and the spelling and what not. It was so funny....so the ultrasound tech didn't waste anytime and scanned right to the genitals and WHOA it was no wondering it was right there like a softball . Justin asked him to take the zoom down a notch....except it wasn't on zoom. Emily was a little upset because she wants a sister so bad but she was also happy that she is going to be daddy's little girl forever and not share that special bond. And we bought her the plaid shorts she's been wanting. This age group clothes fixes everything.
Well I better get back to work . Now that Justin's friend revived our old hard drive we have all our photo's from BC and I had taken tons of photo's of our old place so I have to get everything printed off and sent in our evidence package for our case that we're taking0 to arbitration. It's exciting, a lot of work but it's all good!!
Today I fell asleep in the playroom sitting upright playing blocks with the boys. I woke up with Carter screaming "cock a doodle doo" in my ear and Cohen launching cars off my belly.
I had to take Emmy for her Ortho work and I parked in a spot I was sure to have enough room, right beside a Handicap slot. So after the appointment we go back to the van and a car decided to park super close to us. Not good. I open up my door and try to get in and get stuck inbetween with just the tip of my belly. Too big. Couldn't even squeeze in. I couldn't climb through either because I don't fit between the seats. So I waited for a little bit and no one was coming so I went back into the Dentist's office and asked the receptionist if she could help me move my van. She was so nice and helpful and did just that so we were able to leave!!!
....AND THE CRAVINGS. Oh man. Every thing I drive by I want to eat. But then as soon as i see the next restaurant or grocery store I think of something else. I went from wanting candy - deep fried mars bar - mr. sub - subway - wings - verns pizza - quizno's- finally settling on quizno's to only get turkey ranch and a turkey mequite and sunchips and dorito's and then I couldn't decide if i wanted soup or cookies. Oh the poor lady that was serving us. Bless her patience. Luckily Justin ate one of the subs and the kids got some too of course.
Oh we went for our 32 wk ultrasound on Tuesday and we were able to see what our baby was up to in Tummy Land. HE is sooooooooooooo cute!!! Pudgy cheeks, fat legs, big belly. I love it. He looks so healthy and happy. YES that's right ANOTHER BOY!!!! Our little Brady Seitz. We're still working on the full name and the spelling and what not. It was so funny....so the ultrasound tech didn't waste anytime and scanned right to the genitals and WHOA it was no wondering it was right there like a softball . Justin asked him to take the zoom down a notch....except it wasn't on zoom. Emily was a little upset because she wants a sister so bad but she was also happy that she is going to be daddy's little girl forever and not share that special bond. And we bought her the plaid shorts she's been wanting. This age group clothes fixes everything.
Well I better get back to work . Now that Justin's friend revived our old hard drive we have all our photo's from BC and I had taken tons of photo's of our old place so I have to get everything printed off and sent in our evidence package for our case that we're taking0 to arbitration. It's exciting, a lot of work but it's all good!!
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Home Sweet Home
Thank you for all the kind notes and thoughts and prayers and the help we have received has been awesome.
It all started a few weeks ago with a lot of cramping. I've been watching it and checking in with the doctor but she said if it gets worse go in to the hospital if it's after office hours. Well Monday the cramping was bad and I was getting this intense burning sensation in my stomach and around my scar from previous surgeries. So off I went...
We get to the hospital and I got examined right away to find that I was/am 1cm dilated. My cerclage is still in place which is good it's started to dilate so we have to watch that. Then the burning was getting worse and the dr's were concerned that either my placenta was starting to tear or my scar was going to open. So I was put on the fetal monitor and the baby's heartbeat was really low, it was beating at about 103-109 consistently. So in case they were going to have to deliver the baby early they started me on the steroid shots. I had one that night and had to stay in until I could get another shot in 24 hrs. But in the meantime weird things were happening. The baby's heartbeat wasn't going up yet not in serious trouble either. The pain was getting worse and my blood results and urine tests were coming back all funky. I was on an IV drip the whole time and drinking and eating so I was getting more than enough fluids yet tests showed I was really dehydrated and had large amounts of glucose showing up. My white cell count was high and my potassium was low and my blood sugar levels were high. My blood pressure would go from normal to low. I had this weird pain in my wrists, arms and calves as if I had an 14 hour charlie horse brewing. So weird and painful and no one knows why, I got really pale and weak and puffy. But after about 14hrs that started to settle So no one knew what was going on. It was all a mystery.
I had an ultrasound and everything looked good on that. That confirmed that my placenta was fine and so was my scar. But the doctors weren't sure if things were in the process of going sideways. So I was monitored pretty closely. Also the estimated baby weight was already 4lbs 10 oz which was a good thing in case the baby was born a little early.
So today I was still having the pain and the nurses couldn't track down my original glucose results and they wanted to keep me in for observation another night and just keep up with pain meds but I couldn't. I needed to be home so bad. I would have stayed in but I have a prenatal and ultrasound booked for Tuesday and with Justin being at home and being at my beck and call I thought I could do it. He was having trouble surviving at home with the kids without me. The kids were getting so scared and wondering if I was ever coming home. So I thought I can relax and rest in the comfort of my own home unless it gets even worse. I needed to have a nice bath in my jacuzzi and lay in my bed and just look at my husband and kids when I want to. So far I'm feeling not too bad. Tender and sore but relieved to be home.
So far what the doctors are going on is because I have so much scar tissue/adhesions from previous surgeries that because this baby is so big and I'm getting so big, with all the stretching happening it is stretching and pulling on the scar tissue. Painful and not fun but over with soon. I have a few more weeks and this baby can come. I just hope it stays in a few more weeks!!
Well my comfy bed is making me sleepy so I should turn out the lights and call it a night.
Thanks again everyone for your care and concern and prayers and messages and help we couldnt have done it without you!!
Blessings and
Love Carissa
It all started a few weeks ago with a lot of cramping. I've been watching it and checking in with the doctor but she said if it gets worse go in to the hospital if it's after office hours. Well Monday the cramping was bad and I was getting this intense burning sensation in my stomach and around my scar from previous surgeries. So off I went...
We get to the hospital and I got examined right away to find that I was/am 1cm dilated. My cerclage is still in place which is good it's started to dilate so we have to watch that. Then the burning was getting worse and the dr's were concerned that either my placenta was starting to tear or my scar was going to open. So I was put on the fetal monitor and the baby's heartbeat was really low, it was beating at about 103-109 consistently. So in case they were going to have to deliver the baby early they started me on the steroid shots. I had one that night and had to stay in until I could get another shot in 24 hrs. But in the meantime weird things were happening. The baby's heartbeat wasn't going up yet not in serious trouble either. The pain was getting worse and my blood results and urine tests were coming back all funky. I was on an IV drip the whole time and drinking and eating so I was getting more than enough fluids yet tests showed I was really dehydrated and had large amounts of glucose showing up. My white cell count was high and my potassium was low and my blood sugar levels were high. My blood pressure would go from normal to low. I had this weird pain in my wrists, arms and calves as if I had an 14 hour charlie horse brewing. So weird and painful and no one knows why, I got really pale and weak and puffy. But after about 14hrs that started to settle So no one knew what was going on. It was all a mystery.
I had an ultrasound and everything looked good on that. That confirmed that my placenta was fine and so was my scar. But the doctors weren't sure if things were in the process of going sideways. So I was monitored pretty closely. Also the estimated baby weight was already 4lbs 10 oz which was a good thing in case the baby was born a little early.
So today I was still having the pain and the nurses couldn't track down my original glucose results and they wanted to keep me in for observation another night and just keep up with pain meds but I couldn't. I needed to be home so bad. I would have stayed in but I have a prenatal and ultrasound booked for Tuesday and with Justin being at home and being at my beck and call I thought I could do it. He was having trouble surviving at home with the kids without me. The kids were getting so scared and wondering if I was ever coming home. So I thought I can relax and rest in the comfort of my own home unless it gets even worse. I needed to have a nice bath in my jacuzzi and lay in my bed and just look at my husband and kids when I want to. So far I'm feeling not too bad. Tender and sore but relieved to be home.
So far what the doctors are going on is because I have so much scar tissue/adhesions from previous surgeries that because this baby is so big and I'm getting so big, with all the stretching happening it is stretching and pulling on the scar tissue. Painful and not fun but over with soon. I have a few more weeks and this baby can come. I just hope it stays in a few more weeks!!
Well my comfy bed is making me sleepy so I should turn out the lights and call it a night.
Thanks again everyone for your care and concern and prayers and messages and help we couldnt have done it without you!!
Blessings and
Love Carissa
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