Right O

Yesterday my Grandpa went home to the heavens. I am really not too sure as to what to say but that I miss him so much. I was hoping that writing my thoughts would make me feel better but they don't. I feel sad and mad and at the end of my rope. I don't want to lose anymore important people in my life. First my husband and my marriage and now my dear grandpa.

He was a wonderful man. Truly, he had no regrets nor should he. He lived an amazing 79 years and a loving 58 with my grandma. (Bless her heart). All he did was laugh. Literally, he laughed at everything, even simply saying hello on the phone made him chuckle. Hugs and kisses we were never short of and time with him was quality time. The memories I have will be held precious in my heart for always.

I just hope my grandma will be ok. She keeps saying to me well dear now I am in the same boat as you but without 4 children. But at least she had a man that loved her dearly and that nothing in their life except death could tear them apart. And it really didn't tear them apart just distanced them for the time being.

Grandpa we love you and you will be forever loved...... and he would say Right O.

Psalm 89:2

"Your love and kindness are forever; your truth is as enduring as the heavens."

I have realized more lately than ever that
happiness is as happiness does and all I truly need to feel complete is God, my children and my family and friends. And I do, more and more every day I feel content with where I am heading.
Really the only man I can count on is the Big Guy up high in the sky and just as scripture says His love and kindness are forever.... :0))

I'm holdin my own
I know my name
and I'm goin my own way........and feel blessed for every minute of it!

2 Samuel 22:2,3

And he said: "The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; the God of my strength, in whom I will trust."

I have been doing a lot of thinking and healing and I think one of the hardest things to come out of this situation is my lack of trust. I can honestly say that I've been consumed by distrust in so many ways with my friendships and my marriage and God and it's finally come to a head. I have often wondered even what I could have done differently during my marriage and it all boils down to trust. With Justin having left me 4 times previous to this I think it was always in the back of my mind that it was destined to happen again and a lot of times I would test it to see if it were true and well it happened. Sometimes I wonder if my focus on that particular worry somehow brought it to happen. However I know that isn't the only reason all this happened and I"m not trying to make excuses for Justin's actions I am just trying to discover and fix any flaws I had and have. And that's a big one that stands out. So now that I recognize it now what....well every time I feel like I'm worrying or thinking too much into the future I remind myself to snap out of it. when I sit and ponder and ask God why and what's going to happen and will we be alright I am reminded that my trust has to be in the Lord and I am truly taken care of. Even with issues surrounding my husband and my divorce, I have to have trust now that God will take care of our situation. I might not be able to trust anything my husband has to say right now or does but I have to trust that God Himself will be the one to guide us and our desicionmaking. And just leave it in His hands. As hard as it is, practicing every day is helping. It is helping me to also trust others around me and new friendships and new situations but to be more centered and not dwell in what could happen but what is actually happening in the here and now.

Ok I think I've rambled enough and really I should be sleeping but I do have to say one last thing... I need to extend my thanks to everyone who has been reading and supporting and praying and being there every step of the way with me and my family. The darkness is slowly going away and we're seeing more light in our life every day. And hopefully I'll get another chance soon to sit and reflect until then.....Blessings from my heart to yours xo