I have been doing a lot of thinking and healing and I think one of the hardest things to come out of this situation is my lack of trust. I can honestly say that I've been consumed by distrust in so many ways with my friendships and my marriage and God and it's finally come to a head. I have often wondered even what I could have done differently during my marriage and it all boils down to trust. With Justin having left me 4 times previous to this I think it was always in the back of my mind that it was destined to happen again and a lot of times I would test it to see if it were true and well it happened. Sometimes I wonder if my focus on that particular worry somehow brought it to happen. However I know that isn't the only reason all this happened and I"m not trying to make excuses for Justin's actions I am just trying to discover and fix any flaws I had and have. And that's a big one that stands out. So now that I recognize it now what....well every time I feel like I'm worrying or thinking too much into the future I remind myself to snap out of it. when I sit and ponder and ask God why and what's going to happen and will we be alright I am reminded that my trust has to be in the Lord and I am truly taken care of. Even with issues surrounding my husband and my divorce, I have to have trust now that God will take care of our situation. I might not be able to trust anything my husband has to say right now or does but I have to trust that God Himself will be the one to guide us and our desicionmaking. And just leave it in His hands. As hard as it is, practicing every day is helping. It is helping me to also trust others around me and new friendships and new situations but to be more centered and not dwell in what could happen but what is actually happening in the here and now.
Ok I think I've rambled enough and really I should be sleeping but I do have to say one last thing... I need to extend my thanks to everyone who has been reading and supporting and praying and being there every step of the way with me and my family. The darkness is slowly going away and we're seeing more light in our life every day. And hopefully I'll get another chance soon to sit and reflect until then.....Blessings from my heart to yours xo
3 comments:
Thinking about you and the kids...sending hugs your way :)
keep strong...
Christ is the only one who never fails us...
I am so thankful for having the opportunity to get to know you and your kids:)
You guys are beautiful!
I think we all struggle with questions about the future... your right, if we are gonna do anything in life we have to find trust... trust God:)
Hey Carissa,
I just wanted to say that you are a very strong person for being able to handle what you have been through. From what i know of you, are you are very caring and thoughtful person and i know that everything happens for a reason. I too was left by the father of my child and i know that looking back the relationship was not a healthy one. But i needed to go through it to be able to have the blessing in my life that is Owen. I know that you will make all of the right decisions to ensure your children s heath and well being. Anyway i just wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you and your children.
Love
Leigha
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