.....but I'll blog instead. I need to vent somehow or I am seriously going to admit myself in to the psych ward. I hate bedrest, I hate bedrest, I hate bedrest....I just can't say it enough. I am so emotionally torn because on one hand I want to do everything I can to keep this little unborn baby alive and healthy and on the other hand I just can't take one more day of being in my bed or on the couch. I have one more week to go for the baby to at least be viable in the outside world, and 8 wks of bedrest to keep the baby in so the doctors don't have to send me away to Vancouver and so the baby isn't stuck in NICU for two months.
I just hate this so much. I'm a hormonal headcase. I think I have some major depression issues going on and I just don't feel like myself. I want to be able to be a good mommy to Emily and Carter and a wife to Justin and I just can't. I have to sit on the sidelines. I want to enjoy my pregnancy and be out shopping and preparing for the baby and I can't. Yes that's right I'm feeling very sorry for myself right now and I'm sorry but I just can't help it. I can't stop crying everything is making be tear up or scream. I want to be happy and enjoy life and I don't see how I can do that being stuck in my house day after day after day. Even the more I eat the more upset I get cuz I can't walk around to exercise any of the extra weight off or to just keep in healthy shape. I can walk to the bathroom woohoo.
My sister is coming tomorrow, she was supposed to fly here tonight but crap happened at the airport and I feel bad for her. I just wish I could have fun with her while she's here....I don't want to end up crying the whole time resenting the fact that I can't do anything with her and the kids. Arggg....now I'm just getting too emotional I don't even want to type anymore....I'll try and write a happier tune tomorrow when I'm not such a basketcase.
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